Fall and Not Enough Food

The cold air and the brown trees definitely signify it is Fall. Or winter. To me, anything other than summer might as well be winter. I mean what's really the difference. Cold is cold is cold.  

Technically, it is fall. The leaves are falling. What was green is turning orange and brown. The drive to church is beautiful. Fields and mountains of gold. Our pellet stove is on most of the day and we are so thankful that we have the heating all figured out and working. Everyone is bundled up and some people are unrecognizable. 

But, there are no fall decorations in the shops. There are no pumpkin patches with corn mazes and apple cider. There are no French's Fried Onions and Priscilla's Yams displays when you walk into the grocery store. There are no Pumpkin Spice Lattes or Maple Scones. (Can you tell I think about food a lot?) 

I have realized the things I thought I didn't care about, I actually did look forward to. Subconsciously of course. It's being so far removed that make me reminisce. Or maybe I just miss the food. That's probably it. 

And if I lived somewhere where it was perpetually warm I wouldn't reminisce because I would be so happy about the heavenly weather. 

It's the cold+the absence of "fall" that makes me feel a little bit like something is missing.  

But, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. So it's this strange feeling of tension. Kind of missing what you've left behind, but not enough to want to return to it. 

So, I will make pumpkin muffins and eat a lot of mandarin oranges because apparently they are in season right now. They are amazing and dirt cheap. We eat about a kilo a day. There are pumpkins everywhere also but the Albanians don't use them for anything. They don't cook with them at all. I keep making pumpkin desserts for bible studies and they are all weirded out and then blown away that you can't taste the pumpkin. 

One thing I am loving about this season is that life, in many senses, has slowed down. Our days are full but it is more of a routine than the psychotic roller coaster of the summer. There are consistent bible studies. There is much more time to study Albanian. There is time to sit down and eat dinner together. There is time to figure out how to cook with different flavors. There is time to pour into the church ministries. There is time to catch up with our families and friends. We have people over for dinner. 

*There is time to begin understanding this culture. Like tip of the iceberg begin. The more we know, the more we feel that we are in a fog. 

A veteran missionary here recently told Cory that Albanian culture, at it's core, has the shame and honor values of an Eastern culture, but they are masked by an Western face. 

Meaning, honor is a massive part of this culture but when your honor is tarred it's not necessarily public displayed. It is hidden in order to save face. We are beginning to learn what this means. We are seeing this as we build deeper relationships, run into relational issues and attempt to love people with Christ's love so as to melt away their chains of guilt. 

**Last night we had some boys from Cory's bible study over for dinner. 

Cory's Bible study-Going through Romans 

I thought 2 were coming. When 4 walked in the door I was a little stunned.

I had made 4 burgers. Cory's all time favorite meal is a blue cheese, bacon burger. So we thought we would give them a little taste of America. 

Anyways, I was currently cooking 4 burgers! Not 6! I made fries for 4 people, not 6!

The best part was, I thought Cory would be surprised too. 

Then my sweet husband said, "I told you 4..." 

I think I said "go away," but I'm not sure. 

I actually panicked. I don't really know why. Before I did something about it, I freaked out. At first I legitimately didn't know what to do. 

Finally, I started scooping up the hot, raw ground beef from the skillet and forming it into smaller burgers with my bare hands. 

I raced across the street to the bakery and bought the last bun to cut in half for Cory and I. 

I partly felt bad that he was going to get a smaller version of his favorite meal but not completely. 

"Are you mad at me?" He came up and whispered as I tried to finish dinner while the 4 boys played with Shiloh who was scowling at them. 

"....I'm trying not to be." I mumbled. My poor husband. At least I told the truth? 

I knew it wasn't his fault. I knew he had probably told me and I didn't remember. I just had to be mad at something, or someone I guess. 

The thoughts that run through your head when you are mad and panicked are kind of horrible but actually revealing. 

This wouldn't happen in America. Uh, that's not even true. 

I'm just trying to serve people here God, you could have made sure we didn't miscommunicate so I wouldn't have a bad attitude. Yes that's perfectly logical. 

It's awful and embarrassing but it's true. 

And then I realized I could let this ruin the night for me. I could be quiet, and mad at my husband and panic about the food. Or, I could serve dinner and sit down and love the boys that were at my kitchen table. I could make it fun and ask them questions or I could be quiet and boring and make my husband miserable. 

I didn't want the night to be ruined. I didn't want to be a bad testimony. I really didn't want to be mad at Cory because he is amazing and obviously thought he had told me. I knew that one of the boys is wrestling through Christianity. Doubting if it is true but wanting to believe. 

So thank the Lord by the time we had sat down for dinner I had fixed my horrible attitude. We had a great night. We laughed really hard and got to know the boys better. I was so glad all 4 of them came. The 2 "extras" were the other 2 boys brothers and they will be around for a long time after their 2 older brothers go to college.

And I'm thankful that the Lord revealed to me that sometimes, even though I think I don't, I do compare Albania to America. Even though I love it and I'm thrilled and feel so privileged, when things don't go my way I blame it on this country. 

Sometimes, I actually think that life should be easier here because we are "trying to serve." Why does our electricity go out, and our heater explode and our light fixture shatter? I know that's ridiculous, but it's in my heart. 

So I'm thankful that the Lord lets me be here, watching Him work, even though I am very undeserving of it. And I'm thankful for my husband who always forgives me without thinking twice. 

***Halloween here is actually a "new" thing. They have just begun to catch on. It is a bit different in that EVERYONE is a monster looking creature. They don't really change up the costumes. They put face paint on and have parties. A few kids stopped by to trick or treat...they asked for money. They are kind of getting the idea? 

****Today at the youth meeting, Cory is speaking on the story of Nicodemus. What does it mean to be born again? What does it mean to be born of the spirit? We are discussing these things this morning as we drink coffee in our kitchen. His audience is an ideal group in many ways. They have heard the gospel. The basics. Many of them have grasped onto what they have learned. Many of them return because they still have questions. On Tuesday, none of the girls in my bible study knew that the Holy Spirit came to live in a believer. They didn't know what changed them. So today, when Cory talks about being born again of the spirit and walking in the light, much of it will be brand new. They have never heard this before. Sometimes we wish we knew how to relate to that. To this complete blank slate of spiritual understanding. 

****We can't believe we have almost been here 5 months. Sometimes it feels like it's been 5 years. Which is encouraging. Because we imagine what it will be like after we have been here 5 years. The relationships, the language, the experience. 

Thank you for your constant encouragement and support. We know we are never alone. Because of Christ and because of you. 

And they are so cute...