Yes home. And that's what it feels like here in Pogradec. Home.
I can honestly say now, I feel more comfortable here in some ways than I do in America.
And it's really weird.
I walked into the grocery store the first or second day we arrived in California and stood staring at the Barbecue sauce for way too long. I didn't even need barbecue sauce. But there were SO many all I could do was stare.
I knew Cory would want cereal but when I went to get one I couldn't pick one out. There were too many choices and I got overwhelmed and walked away.
If I heard someone say that I would probably think, "That's dumb you lived there your whole life." But alas, it happened to me.
It was weird to hear English everywhere I went. I actually did a double take at two ladies in a store because I was surprised they were speaking English...
We went to a party and Cory told me he was going to walk in and greet everyone individually first before he started talking to anyone and I couldn't stop laughing.
That is Albanian. You walk into a room, shake hands with every person and ask them how they are. That's all.
It would be like him walking into a party and saying "Hi how are you?" to each person while shaking their hand and then moving on to the next one after they said "Good."
I got really annoyed at stop signs and red lights and I had to remind myself that I couldn't pass people who were going to slow on a two way street.
I didn't eat half as much food as I had planned on because my stomach couldn't handle it.
I was mesmerized by commercials on TV.
I had a hard time sleeping at night because there were no semi's rumbling past our house. It was too quiet.
And now we are home.
But to everyone here, we just went home. We are foreigners. We are not Albanian.
So, again we find ourselves suspended in the middle of two very different worlds.
Two worlds that I love with my whole heart.
Albanians always ask us, "Where is it better? Here or America?"
I don't even know how to answer a question like that. They are really asking, "Why in the world are you here?"
And there are so many different realms on which the answer to that question could be measured.
Physical, spiritual, emotional.
My family is in America. Shiloh and Taliah's aunties and uncles and cousins. And there is nothing that can replace that. And there is nothing like seeing the joy on your child's face as they laugh with their grandparents and play with their cousins. And it's in those moments that my heart is also filled with joy but broken in half at the same time. Because those moments are rare. But they are so precious.
But our life is here. Our hopes and dreams and goals and plans are here. Our tears and sweat and trials and triumphs are here. And because of that we are filled with contentment and peace.
And thankfulness. Thankful for the short, unplanned visits. Thankful for the love of family and friends. Thankful for the relationships we have here. Thankful for growth and understanding in this culture. Thankful for the culture we came from.
And today I am thankful that I feel I don't belong in either of these worlds.
I'm thankful that America doesn't feel like home because it makes this place the Lord has brought us feel more like it.
And in the end I know we're not home here either and tomorrow I might feel just as lost and confused as the day I did when we arrived here almost 2 1/2 years ago. And I'm thankful for that too.
Because it keeps me dependent, and humble and trusting in Jesus.
And that's all I got. But soon I will write about our actual home that we are hopefully moving into by the end of the month!
Shiloh is excited too as she told me today that she "can't wait for our new house to be born."
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And this has got to be one of the best pics ever.
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