*I have this grand idea of making a prime rib roast for Christmas dinner.
The problem is that I cannot go to the grocery store, look in the meat section and find the plastic wrapped chunk that says "Prime Rib Roast." Even if I could do that, I would probably still butcher it. Haha.
There are like 400 different ways to do it on Pinterest. The instructions are kind of complex for my cooking abilities. I'm no Martha. If anyone has any Prime Rib Roast cooking advice, send it my way.
So, I have been doing some research. FYI the Prime Rib Roast is also known as the Standing Rib Roast which is cut from the cows ribs, specifically ribs 9-12. This is in the loin section, not the chuck section of the animal.
I went to the butcher's today with this picture on my phone. I'm going to attempt this before Christmas so that I'm not crying on Christmas day when I ruin it.
He grabbed my phone with his bloody fingers. Then lopped off a chunk of beef that looked nothing like the Prime Rib pictures. So I showed him a google image. He scrolled through the pictures with the same fingers.
He lopped off another chunk and I'm pretty sure it's the right piece, just with the bones in? Well I'm gonna try it and see what happens. It's a lot smaller than the chunk in the pictures which makes me wonder if the cows here are smaller? They look pretty big to me so I don't know.
Some days, I walk down the street and it actually feels normal to me. But today I saw a little old lady hobbling down the road holding a dead chicken by the wings. I thought you carried dead chickens by the neck but I guess if you slit the neck it makes more sense to carry it by the wings. It looked miserable...but that's probably because it was dead...
Then we were driving down the road in another town and we saw a man walking a bear on a leash. Yes a bear. He has a pet brown bear. I don't know what else to say about that.
So between the bloody cow, the dead chicken and the bear on a leash, I would say today felt a little less normal than usual.
**Our Albanian lessons are coming along. That's a relative statement. It depends on what or who we are comparing ourselves to.
Today I told the butcher, in Albanian, that my husband was singing in Albanian for the drama. He said he was Muslim and couldn't come. I explained to him that it was at the theatre and not at the church. He said he would come. The smallest conversations are encouraging...both spiritually and in regards to Albanian.
Some new words we have learned...
The word for "gossip" is literally translated "I said, I say." A good way to describe gossip is it not?
The word for "pregnant" is literally translated "busybody," which has a separate connotation in English but when you think about it is actually very apt. I definitely feel like my body is busy right now.
If you want to say "I'm sorry" you literally say "Bad comes to me." I don't totally get this but it's the idea of you feeling bad, or relating to their pain ect.
We are still spending plenty of time laughing at ourselves and feeling completely lost.
The other day Cory said "I like to eat my parents."
He meant vegetables.
We have to constantly remind ourselves that learning this language is a NECESSITY. Our ministry is empty without it. We will never be able to minister on the level we hope to until we learn this language. The desire to learn this constantly consumes us. Please continue to pray for us as we study, listen and learn.
***This month has been full of getting ready for our Christmas play next week. This last weekend we went away to a conference center with the kids to do a full dress rehearsal. Lot's of hair curling and laughing.
It was a blast and it's amazing to see how they have bonded in the last months. Our youth group has gone from feeling like a bunch of random kids, to a group of friends.
The play is "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens and the script has been modified to include the gospel story. The kids have been working so hard and are so excited. We are looking forward to meeting the parents that we haven't met and following up with the response.
Cory is working hard to learn 3 songs in Albanian and is doing an amazing job. There are definitely some tongue twisters. The letter "y" makes a French "oo" sound which isn't difficult to say on its own but when you combine it with certain consonants and vowels, it becomes pretty tricky.
We pray that this will be an incredible outreach to the community and an awesome experience for the students.
****Yesterday in my girls bible study we read the story of Jesus birth and talked about what it means that he is called Immanuel. We read the prophecy in Isaiah. I explained what a prophecy and there was one girl who was very amazed that the birth of Christ had been foretold. She knew the story of Christmas but it's been so neat to show them how scripture is redemptive story that shows the plan of God!
*****Shiloh is a blast right now. We are constantly laughing at her. She walks like a champ and I can't believe she follows me around the kitchen! She LOVES to look at books. In fact, that's mostly what she does when she's awake. She oohs and aaahs at the pictures that have animals in them. We are in love with her and thank the Lord for the gift she is.
*****This week marks 22 weeks with Taliah! At our last doctor appoint we were told that both her and I are healthy. We feel so blessed and can't wait for Shiloh to be a big sister!
******We feel so encouraged this Christmas season by so many of you! Thank you for your kind emails, packages and prayers! We are so thankful to be here and every day are amazed at what the Lord is doing in our owns hearts and in the hearts of those around us.
We had anticipated this Christmas season being the most difficult for us, but that hasn't been the case at all. That must be attributed to the prayers of so many of you and the joy of working hard with these students.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support as we serve in this place.
12/17/14
12/5/14
The Hard Part
"This is the hard part."
We often talk about what is actually "hard" about living here in Albania.
Although I tell you about buying bloody meat and the heating system exploding and constantly being confused at what is going on around me, those things are not "hard" as much as they are humorous.
They are just life. The life that we have chosen and ultimately the life that God has called us to.
If we were in America there would be thousands of little things like that as well. They might look different but there are struggles no matter where you live and no matter what your life mission is.
They are just life.
We laugh about the little things. The growing pains of learning and living in a new culture.
The frustration of acclimating to a new culture is far outweighed by the joy of the ministry here.
We can't imagine being anywhere else and we feel so priviledged.
What IS hard...
Is when everyone is together.
Thanksgiving when all the girls (mom, aunt, grandma, sisters and cousins) are all together cooking and I'm not there to cook with them. We always tell the same stories and make fun of each other every time we are together. I think we laugh harder every year and this year I so badly missed laughing with them.
It's when one of my best friends is getting married and I'm not there to stand beside her as she says her vows, or to help her prepare, or to take care of the last minute details.
It's when Cory's family goes to Disneyland for his mom's 60th Birthday and we aren't there to celebrate and tell her how special she is to us.
It's not the day to day life that I miss as much because in all reality I wouldn't see them every day anyways.
It's the times when every one is together for celebration. It almost feels wrong that we aren't there.
That is THE hard part.
As in the only thing that is hard, really.
Not going to Trader Joe's once a week, is nothing compared to this.
And it's easy to forget when everyone is going about their busy, daily life. But when we see everyone together we say, "Oh ya, that is the hard part."
And even still,
The knowledge that we are in the center of God's will brings peace that passes understanding.
The reality of watching Christ change lives and being a part of His work brings incredible joy.
We are watching Christ transform people even as we approach this Christmas season.
THIS girl told me the other day when we were getting coffee, that she is different, people are telling her she is different, and that it's because the Holy Spirit is working in her.
Her life circumstances haven't changed.
She still has a very difficult home life.
But she has gone from a girl who barely smiled and seemed scared of her own shadow, to one that has joy and confidence and translates for me in the girls Bible study.
The other day a guy who Cory has been discipling and who has been working through his faith very seriously said "the world is hostile to us," speaking of believers. Cory asked him if he'd been listening to MacArthur and this boy said he's been listening to two MacArthur sermons a day! He is in high school! He is beginning to realize what it means to fully give your life to Christ and it is exploding his worldview.
And when I can't cook with my sisters, or be in my friends wedding, or epically celebrate Cory's mom's birthday, I think of these kids and these words that come out of their mouths.
Because I wouldn't want to miss those for anything.
I'm so thankful the Lord has blessed us with family and friends that love and support us. That encourage us and challenge us. That don't make us feel guilty for leaving them or bad about taking our babies away from them. They are constantly giving to us, praying for us and loving our babies from afar.
So, while we miss those we love deeply, we know that that is the hard part. The part that we have to give to the Lord and trust him with.
Everything else is pure joy.
Also, this weekend marks 6 months in Albania for the Cramer's! Cory made a little video for our update and if you didn't get to see it HERE it is. Just to thank those who love, pray for and support us, here is a little picture of our life! Thankful for you all!
We often talk about what is actually "hard" about living here in Albania.
Although I tell you about buying bloody meat and the heating system exploding and constantly being confused at what is going on around me, those things are not "hard" as much as they are humorous.
They are just life. The life that we have chosen and ultimately the life that God has called us to.
If we were in America there would be thousands of little things like that as well. They might look different but there are struggles no matter where you live and no matter what your life mission is.
They are just life.
We laugh about the little things. The growing pains of learning and living in a new culture.
The frustration of acclimating to a new culture is far outweighed by the joy of the ministry here.
We can't imagine being anywhere else and we feel so priviledged.
What IS hard...
Is when everyone is together.
Thanksgiving when all the girls (mom, aunt, grandma, sisters and cousins) are all together cooking and I'm not there to cook with them. We always tell the same stories and make fun of each other every time we are together. I think we laugh harder every year and this year I so badly missed laughing with them.
It's when one of my best friends is getting married and I'm not there to stand beside her as she says her vows, or to help her prepare, or to take care of the last minute details.
It's when Cory's family goes to Disneyland for his mom's 60th Birthday and we aren't there to celebrate and tell her how special she is to us.
It's not the day to day life that I miss as much because in all reality I wouldn't see them every day anyways.
It's the times when every one is together for celebration. It almost feels wrong that we aren't there.
That is THE hard part.
As in the only thing that is hard, really.
Not going to Trader Joe's once a week, is nothing compared to this.
And it's easy to forget when everyone is going about their busy, daily life. But when we see everyone together we say, "Oh ya, that is the hard part."
And even still,
The knowledge that we are in the center of God's will brings peace that passes understanding.
The reality of watching Christ change lives and being a part of His work brings incredible joy.
We are watching Christ transform people even as we approach this Christmas season.
THIS girl told me the other day when we were getting coffee, that she is different, people are telling her she is different, and that it's because the Holy Spirit is working in her.
Her life circumstances haven't changed.
She still has a very difficult home life.
But she has gone from a girl who barely smiled and seemed scared of her own shadow, to one that has joy and confidence and translates for me in the girls Bible study.
The other day a guy who Cory has been discipling and who has been working through his faith very seriously said "the world is hostile to us," speaking of believers. Cory asked him if he'd been listening to MacArthur and this boy said he's been listening to two MacArthur sermons a day! He is in high school! He is beginning to realize what it means to fully give your life to Christ and it is exploding his worldview.
And when I can't cook with my sisters, or be in my friends wedding, or epically celebrate Cory's mom's birthday, I think of these kids and these words that come out of their mouths.
Because I wouldn't want to miss those for anything.
I'm so thankful the Lord has blessed us with family and friends that love and support us. That encourage us and challenge us. That don't make us feel guilty for leaving them or bad about taking our babies away from them. They are constantly giving to us, praying for us and loving our babies from afar.
So, while we miss those we love deeply, we know that that is the hard part. The part that we have to give to the Lord and trust him with.
Everything else is pure joy.
Also, this weekend marks 6 months in Albania for the Cramer's! Cory made a little video for our update and if you didn't get to see it HERE it is. Just to thank those who love, pray for and support us, here is a little picture of our life! Thankful for you all!
11/25/14
To Be Known...
In American culture, we talk a lot about wanting to "be known." We want people to know us, who we are, and what we are about.
Now, if you are having a hard time being known...please come move here.
Not only will you be able to help us with a work and a harvest much too great for 2 people, but you will also be known.
For instance...
I was walking in the street the other day (not very close to our house) and I saw a bunch of really cool wooden crates that had apples in them. I have been looking for a basket to put our Albanian books in and haven't been able to find one.
I was pointing them out to Cory when a man said "Can I help you?"
I was shocked. Not only that he spoke English but that he asked me if he could help me. I don't remember the last time I heard that. Normally its more like "what you want?" if its English at all.
Ummm...yes. I proceeded to ask him about the crates.
They were his he said. He made them he said. He didn't sell them.
I asked if he could make one for me.
In my peripheral I saw a lot of people looking and pointing at me saying "American, American."
"Sure, I will make one for you and bring it to you tomorrow. I know where you live." He said.
"Oh great ok! Thank you! Yes tomorrow is perfect."
I was so excited about getting the crate that it took me a minute to realize he knew where I lived. I had never seen this man before and I wasn't in the vicinity of our house.
"You know where I live?" I finally asked.
He pointed in the direction of our house. "Yes, yes I know. I will drop it off at Rudi's. You know Rudi."
Yes I know Rudi. He owns the shop across the street from our house.
"Well great! Thank you!"
"Have a nice day." He said. I haven't heard that in a long time either.
That's not the first time a complete stranger has told me they know where we live.
In reality, most people that live in the city center know where "the American's" live.
Pogradec is not massive but the city and outlying villages have about 40,000 people.
I could look at this one of two ways.
The first way is how I looked at it when Cory was gone for the night and I was alone. Fear. I slept with a knife by my bed. Not that that would help me whatsoever, it was more the thought of it. That's embarrassing. Everyone knows where I live. I am an American in a country of nominal Muslims. If anyone wanted to find me, they could. Very easily.
The second is how I should look at it. Opportunity. Everyone knows where we live. If they need help, they know where we live. If students hear about our bible studies and want to come, they know where we live. If I want a wooden crate for $4 from the man on the side of the road, he knows where we live.
So, if you're looking to be known...
www.josiahventure.com
Also, we will be sending out an update on Thanksgiving which includes a video Cory has made that shows a little bit of our life here in Albania!
If you would like to receive our email updates, sign up HERE.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your friends and family! We are so thankful for all of you!
And here is Shiloh Belle with some pants on her head...
Now, if you are having a hard time being known...please come move here.
Not only will you be able to help us with a work and a harvest much too great for 2 people, but you will also be known.
For instance...
I was walking in the street the other day (not very close to our house) and I saw a bunch of really cool wooden crates that had apples in them. I have been looking for a basket to put our Albanian books in and haven't been able to find one.
I was pointing them out to Cory when a man said "Can I help you?"
I was shocked. Not only that he spoke English but that he asked me if he could help me. I don't remember the last time I heard that. Normally its more like "what you want?" if its English at all.
Ummm...yes. I proceeded to ask him about the crates.
They were his he said. He made them he said. He didn't sell them.
I asked if he could make one for me.
In my peripheral I saw a lot of people looking and pointing at me saying "American, American."
"Sure, I will make one for you and bring it to you tomorrow. I know where you live." He said.
"Oh great ok! Thank you! Yes tomorrow is perfect."
I was so excited about getting the crate that it took me a minute to realize he knew where I lived. I had never seen this man before and I wasn't in the vicinity of our house.
"You know where I live?" I finally asked.
He pointed in the direction of our house. "Yes, yes I know. I will drop it off at Rudi's. You know Rudi."
Yes I know Rudi. He owns the shop across the street from our house.
"Well great! Thank you!"
"Have a nice day." He said. I haven't heard that in a long time either.
That's not the first time a complete stranger has told me they know where we live.
In reality, most people that live in the city center know where "the American's" live.
Pogradec is not massive but the city and outlying villages have about 40,000 people.
I could look at this one of two ways.
The first way is how I looked at it when Cory was gone for the night and I was alone. Fear. I slept with a knife by my bed. Not that that would help me whatsoever, it was more the thought of it. That's embarrassing. Everyone knows where I live. I am an American in a country of nominal Muslims. If anyone wanted to find me, they could. Very easily.
The second is how I should look at it. Opportunity. Everyone knows where we live. If they need help, they know where we live. If students hear about our bible studies and want to come, they know where we live. If I want a wooden crate for $4 from the man on the side of the road, he knows where we live.
So, if you're looking to be known...
www.josiahventure.com
Also, we will be sending out an update on Thanksgiving which includes a video Cory has made that shows a little bit of our life here in Albania!
If you would like to receive our email updates, sign up HERE.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your friends and family! We are so thankful for all of you!
And here is Shiloh Belle with some pants on her head...
11/22/14
A Baby Girl and a Girl Fight
| Some Bible Study girls :) |
Last week, I was waiting for all the girls to come and all but two of them were late. I couldn't figure out what was going on and then I looked out my balcony window and saw a crowd of messy hair buns and pony tails in the street. Most of them were my girls and the rest were ones I hadn't seen before.
I asked the two who had already arrived what was going on.
Apparently, someone had created a Facebook page entitled "The *Nice Girls* of Pogradec."
Except it didn't actually say "Nice Girls." It said a bad word. Like the opposite of "Nice Girls."
Everyone tracking?
And on the Facebook page were the names and pictures of a bunch of the girls in my Bible study.
So, that day, right in the street, my girls were waiting to meet with the girl who *they thought* had done it. The girl hadn't actually admitted it but "her best friend had." I was thinking she wouldn't show up but then I heard SCREAMING.
I looked out the window again and the huddle of heads was growing.
Instinctively (because I obviously wasn't thinking through what I was doing) I put on my coat and boots and walked down the street.
Straight into the middle of screeching Albanian.
I had no idea what was being said but as I walked up I saw one girl from my bible study about to smack the Facebook Page Maker Girl.
I told you I wasn't thinking because I just pushed my way into the middle and started speaking English and they all stared at me and silenced themselves (for 98% of the Albanians we know, we are the only Americans they have ever met)...
"Hi, I'm Kristine, what's your name....do you speak English?" I heard nervous laughter and the girl told me her name which had way to many constants and syllables for me to remember what it was.
She didn't speak English. Apart from knowing the answer to "what is your name?"
So, I told one of my girls to translate for me and I said..."If you say you didn't do this, I believe you (my girls gasped and she teared up), but if you did do this, please take the Facebook page down. If you did not, I'm sorry we bothered you and we are going to go now."
I turned around with my arms spread out and literally swept my girls up the hill towards my house. I ended up with some extra girls at bible study that I had never seen before.
We are going through the book of John and that day I had prepared for us to read and study Jesus' first miracle and the cleansing of the Temple.
I had a feeling that wouldn't really resonate with them on that particular day so I decided to have them open to Matthew and read the passage in Chapter 5 about loving your enemies.
They were all very upset about what had happened and one girl told me she'd been crying all night. They felt that their reputation had been tarnished.
They hadn't heard anything about loving your enemies before and it was very difficult for them to grasp. They even asked to read through it a second time.
As it ended I shared with them about Christ's love for us. How He forgave us when we are so undeserving and how we are incapable of acting like Christ without His help.
I don't know how much they understood or took to heart. It is crazy to say these things to girls with absolutely no spiritual context.
For me to say it's not ok to rip this girls hair out by the roots and scratch her eyes out with your long fake nails, was an absolutely revolutionary concept to them.
The page has since been taken down, everyone seemed to forget about it by the next week, and we continued with our bible study.
I love being a part of these girls lives. I love watching their confused faces as we read about loving your enemies. I love watching light bulbs go on in their brains. I love thinking about the fact that many of them first heard about Jesus this summer at camp.
It's hilarious and weird and awesome. Please continue to pray for these girls as we talk about who Jesus is and what He has done for them.
| At coffee with some Bible Study girls |
In other news...
I don't know where the last 2 1/2 weeks went.
A combination of language learning, meal cooking, bible studying, Shiloh caring and doctor visiting.
*We found out on Tuesday that Baby Girl #2 is on the way! Her name will be Taliah Pauline. Taliah means "Dew of God" and Pauline was my Grandma's middle name. We cannot wait to meet her in April! Shiloh is excited too.
**That same day Shiloh took her first steps and has since been toddling further and further. She gets a big, proud smile on her face right before she crashes on the carpet. We LOVE watching her grow and after she goes to sleep at night we just sit in bed and watch videos of her.
***After being here almost 6 months, I feel like I am beginning to grasp how to meal plan and cook. The only disaster I had last week was when I tried to make tortillas. Twice in one night. The first time with gluten free flour and they turned out like flubber. Then, I tried with regular flour and it was like a ceramic paste that got stuck in my wedding ring for days. We just ate a pile of beans and meat without tortillas. Better for us anyways right? Actually, that was not the only disaster. I also somehow destroyed some Jam Thumbprint cookies I was making for the boys bible study and zested a chunk of my thumb off trying to make Lemon Cupcakes last minute. That would have happened to me in America too...so I guess it doesn't count.
****Language learning continues every day and right now we are trying to grasp why each noun has about 15 different endings, why each verb has about 40 different endings and how to translate the verb "to like." It doesn't actually mean "to like." It's more like "is pleasing for me," so it changes the structure of the sentence and you can't translate it literally. Last week our tutor told me she understands that it's hard for me because your brain doesn't work when you are pregnant...I wasn't sure how to take that.
11/5/14
Starting Over
In many ways, we feel like we are starting over...at life. At everything in life. And this is not entirely true, but in many senses it is.
Our vocabulary is that of a 2 year old. We are laughed at when we speak, like a two year old. We can't pronounce letters, like a two year old. We can't communicate what we want to say, like a two year old.
I thought the police man that pulled me over was telling me he lived in Pogradec.
I smiled really big and said "Oh great!" nodding my head like I understand Albanian. I later found out he told me if I was in Pogradec I would have gotten a ticket...He was probably very confused by my response.
Our cultural understanding is that of maybe a 5 year old. There are some things you universally do and don't do...or maybe that's not true either. It is a compliment for me to hear I am fat.
Our senses are constantly being bombarded like that of an infant.
Every smell is new and overwhelming...kind of like your first time at Disneyland...but the opposite kinds of smells.
Every sight is shocking, like a pile of skinned dead cows in the back of a truck being delivered to the butcher...your butcher.
Every taste is new and sometimes unwelcome to your tastebuds...like pickles.
Every sound is unfamiliar and you're constantly wondering what's going on outside. "What's that???" Oh, it's a goat.
Sometimes, while Shiloh is playing, she'll just sit up on her knees, clench her fists, contort her face, and give an intense, long grunt. I feel like that's what my brain is doing 24/7.
My brain is going back to infancy at a time when it wasn't programmed for it.
It's like a volcano always on the verge of eruption.
My greatest victory this week was when I was walking in the street and I knew what two ladies were saying...
One said to the other, "Do you want a banana?"
Yes, that's all.
I was thrilled.
And in that moment I realized all the things I am telling you right now.
The reality of starting over.
And this bleeds into the spiritual aspect of life here as well.
I have a girls bible study every week and we are going through John. This week we took a break to have more of a hang out time. We painted nails and did make up and I curled hair for an hour and a half.
The room was so loud. Girls laughing and talking and shoving for a spot in the mirror.
Normally, I'm the one being told to quiet down, or calm down, or the one being laughed at because I'm constantly embarrassing myself.
But yesterday, I was almost silent.
Not because I wasn't thrilled to have all those girls in my house, or because I wasn't having a blast.
But because I couldn't understand much. And I could say even less than that. And it was too loud to try to have a one on one conversation and pick up some words.
At the end I talked for a little bit about beauty (yes with someone translating). We read 1 Peter 3 and I shared with them that was is most important to Jesus is that we have beautiful hearts. Souls. The part that will never die.
And I realized how little I actually know them. I know many of them were saved this summer. I know they just heard for the first time last week that the Holy Spirit lives in the lives of believers.
But I don't know their deepest struggles. I don't know what gives them pain. I don't know what they are proud of. I don't know what they are afraid of or excited by.
I have spent years in America discipling girls. Learning how to counsel in different kinds of issues. Learning how to get to the heart of a matter. Learning how to invest and care and be consistent. I know how they think. I know their worldview. I know what makes them tick and why the do what they do.
But now, I am stuck. I can't really do any of those things to the degree I would like to. There are a few girls who know English really well and I feel like I have been able to invest in their lives but even that is to a different extent. I can't talk to them in their heart language.
And that's why we are giving our lives.
So that in 3 years I can speak and understand Albanian. So that in 4 or 5 years, maybe I can completely lead a bible study in Albanian. So that in 10 years I feel comfortable discipling and counseling girls and women. Give or take a few years for all of those.
Is that worth it? Is it worth it to completely start over your life when you could have ministered to people who's language you knew, and culture you knew, and worldview you were a part of?
While I was curling hair, I kept thinking of the verse He who is faithful in little will be faithful in much.
I want to be faithful in much. I want to invest in their souls. So right now, I will curl hair and make carrot muffins and study Albanian until my brain is raw. I will do a bible study with someone translating. And I will love them with Christ's love in every tangible way I can think of.
So we will learn. And we will stay. So that one day we don't feel like 2 year olds. So that one day we can invest in their souls.
Right now we are building a foundation. We are laying the groundwork. We are preparing and collecting the materials for the building. Actually, God is doing that. And even though He doesn't need us, He is letting us be a part of it.
It's tiring. It's a lot of work. It's confusing and painful and exciting and beautiful.
And it's totally worth it.
Our vocabulary is that of a 2 year old. We are laughed at when we speak, like a two year old. We can't pronounce letters, like a two year old. We can't communicate what we want to say, like a two year old.
I thought the police man that pulled me over was telling me he lived in Pogradec.
I smiled really big and said "Oh great!" nodding my head like I understand Albanian. I later found out he told me if I was in Pogradec I would have gotten a ticket...He was probably very confused by my response.
Our cultural understanding is that of maybe a 5 year old. There are some things you universally do and don't do...or maybe that's not true either. It is a compliment for me to hear I am fat.
Our senses are constantly being bombarded like that of an infant.
Every smell is new and overwhelming...kind of like your first time at Disneyland...but the opposite kinds of smells.
Every sight is shocking, like a pile of skinned dead cows in the back of a truck being delivered to the butcher...your butcher.
Every taste is new and sometimes unwelcome to your tastebuds...like pickles.
Every sound is unfamiliar and you're constantly wondering what's going on outside. "What's that???" Oh, it's a goat.
Sometimes, while Shiloh is playing, she'll just sit up on her knees, clench her fists, contort her face, and give an intense, long grunt. I feel like that's what my brain is doing 24/7.
My brain is going back to infancy at a time when it wasn't programmed for it.
It's like a volcano always on the verge of eruption.
My greatest victory this week was when I was walking in the street and I knew what two ladies were saying...
One said to the other, "Do you want a banana?"
Yes, that's all.
I was thrilled.
And in that moment I realized all the things I am telling you right now.
The reality of starting over.
And this bleeds into the spiritual aspect of life here as well.
I have a girls bible study every week and we are going through John. This week we took a break to have more of a hang out time. We painted nails and did make up and I curled hair for an hour and a half.
The room was so loud. Girls laughing and talking and shoving for a spot in the mirror.
Normally, I'm the one being told to quiet down, or calm down, or the one being laughed at because I'm constantly embarrassing myself.
But yesterday, I was almost silent.
Not because I wasn't thrilled to have all those girls in my house, or because I wasn't having a blast.
But because I couldn't understand much. And I could say even less than that. And it was too loud to try to have a one on one conversation and pick up some words.
At the end I talked for a little bit about beauty (yes with someone translating). We read 1 Peter 3 and I shared with them that was is most important to Jesus is that we have beautiful hearts. Souls. The part that will never die.
And I realized how little I actually know them. I know many of them were saved this summer. I know they just heard for the first time last week that the Holy Spirit lives in the lives of believers.
But I don't know their deepest struggles. I don't know what gives them pain. I don't know what they are proud of. I don't know what they are afraid of or excited by.
I have spent years in America discipling girls. Learning how to counsel in different kinds of issues. Learning how to get to the heart of a matter. Learning how to invest and care and be consistent. I know how they think. I know their worldview. I know what makes them tick and why the do what they do.
But now, I am stuck. I can't really do any of those things to the degree I would like to. There are a few girls who know English really well and I feel like I have been able to invest in their lives but even that is to a different extent. I can't talk to them in their heart language.
And that's why we are giving our lives.
So that in 3 years I can speak and understand Albanian. So that in 4 or 5 years, maybe I can completely lead a bible study in Albanian. So that in 10 years I feel comfortable discipling and counseling girls and women. Give or take a few years for all of those.
Is that worth it? Is it worth it to completely start over your life when you could have ministered to people who's language you knew, and culture you knew, and worldview you were a part of?
While I was curling hair, I kept thinking of the verse He who is faithful in little will be faithful in much.
I want to be faithful in much. I want to invest in their souls. So right now, I will curl hair and make carrot muffins and study Albanian until my brain is raw. I will do a bible study with someone translating. And I will love them with Christ's love in every tangible way I can think of.
So we will learn. And we will stay. So that one day we don't feel like 2 year olds. So that one day we can invest in their souls.
Right now we are building a foundation. We are laying the groundwork. We are preparing and collecting the materials for the building. Actually, God is doing that. And even though He doesn't need us, He is letting us be a part of it.
It's tiring. It's a lot of work. It's confusing and painful and exciting and beautiful.
And it's totally worth it.
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