You Don't Know What You Don't Know

We have a lot to learn. 

In all areas of life. And there are areas where I know I need to learn. 

But there are also areas in life where I don't know what I don't know...sometimes until it is too late. 

Ok that was dramatic. 

And it is true, for anyone, anywhere. BUT, when you are a foreigner, living in a country that is not your own, this reality is simply magnified. 

We don't know things, that to everyone else, are common sense. 

We (Cory and I) know nothing about how to keep a house made of cement in a place where it snows...apparently. 

When we got home from America our ENTIRE closet was COVERED in mold. 

YES, mold. 

And I have an intense fear of mold. 

I read too many horror stories on the internet. 

So I walked in and saw that all of my shoes were covered in green fuzz. 

The closet reeked like a wet hamster cage. 

I slammed the door and stood there not knowing what to do. 

Finally I went back in to check our clothes. 

Fortunately they only smelled. No mold. 

The white cabinets were covered in blue green fuzz. The baseboards were black. 

I went to tell Cory. 

To my surprise I was actually pretty calm about. 

I guess I said the same thing in my last post. 

Maybe I am growing up or something. 

Or maybe we are just not surprised anymore. Like, my closet WOULD mold. 

And we are more capable of dealing with the issues here. 

So, over the last week I have washed nearly every article of clothing we both own. 

I don't know if I have mentioned before but our washing machine is probably 1/3 the size of most in America. And our dryer collects the water in a container that you have to dump out. For example, to dry a load of towels the other day, it took 4 hours. 

So needless to say, I have spent the greater part of my week doing laundry. Ironically, I made sure we went home with all of our clothes clean. I was really excited to go home and put everything away really fast...

And the hard part was that when it was washed and dried I still couldn't put it away. So we had clothes hanging up all over our house. 

We also had to breakdown and throw away our entire closet. So it is like a walk in closet but has cabinets, and drawers ect. 

We had to have the entire thing rebuilt. 

Then the outer walls had to be cleaned,the baseboards needed to pulled out to make sure there wasn't mold behind them. 

So. What did I not know? 

Well I went to church the next day after we got home and a bunch of people asked me if my house was wet.

I was like "How did you know?" 

And they acted like it was a stupid question. 

So apparently it is common knowledge that you don't leave doors closed in the winter. 

The combination of moisture in the air, cement walls and no airflow breeds mold. 

Now maybe some of you knew this as well. 

But in Southern California we hardly ever deal with wet mold. The weather was too warm and the air too dry. 

So every time I told someone what happened to our closet they acted like "Duh." 

Like, you left the door shut??

Our power also got shut off while we were gone so everything in my chest freezer went bad. I spent hours freezing blackberries last summer and they are all gone. 

Everything in my fridge also molded. 

There were also some kind of black bugs all over our house. 

Oh and I left wet towels in the dryer? 

Yes I'm so smart. 

Bless my sweet friends who came to my house before I got home and cleaned it from top to bottom. (the closet door was locked so we didn't know about that until we got home)

So when I say you don't know what you don't know, that's what I mean. 

We didn't know the etiquette for leaving our house in Albania for 4 months. 

But we definitely made some mistakes we won't make again. 

Later, Cory and I were talking about what happened and saying how if that had happened soon after we had moved here nearly 3 years ago, we would have been helpless. 

We wouldn't have known who to call about the closet. 

We wouldn't have been able to get it rebuilt so fast. 

It would have been much more of a hassle. 

And we just would have been more stressed out by the whole thing overall. 

I think in some ways we have passed the steepest part of a learning curve in living here.  

Instead of feeling hard it actually feels easy in many ways. 

I have never really been a mom in America. So it was actually much harder for me in America than living here. 

Yes everything there is more convenient in a lot of ways, but I haven't learned how to do it  in America. 

I've learned how to be a mom here. I've learned how to grocery shop. I've learned how to keep my kids busy. I've learned how to have my home filled with people. I've learned how to have a schedule and a routine. 

And honestly that was what was hard for me in America. I felt kind of lost. 

I was excited about all of the things I could cook, but I was overwhelmed by all the options. 

I loved all the fun places I could take my kids, but I couldn't establish a routine. 

The problem with ultra convenience is that it tricks you into thinking you can and SHOULD do more. 

Since everything takes less time, you feel the need to shove more into your day. 

To occupy yourself and your kids in a bigger way. 

Or at least that's how I feel. 

Now I am going on a tangent. 

I will write about this in another blog. The simplicity of our life. 

All that to say, while there were some disappointing surprises waiting for us at home, we are SO happy to be here. In fact, I think we were so happy to be home that we didn't really care about the little problems that were awaiting us. 

 We feel like we are right where we belong. 

We are so thankful for all of our relationships. 

We are so thankful for our church. 

We are so thankful for the life God has given us to serve here. 

We are thankful for all of you who support us.

And the reality is, we still don't know what we don't know. 

We will still encounter new and difficult things no matter how long we live here, or anywhere really. 

And by the way, I did get most of the mold off of my shoes...and am wearing them anyways. So yeah. 

Here are some pictures from the week which was also full of sweet friends: 

Flight Delay

So far our flight has been delayed 3 hours. 

First there was an air traffic delay. 

They said it was windy in Newark so the planes couldn't land normally. 

Everyone who had friends in Newark said that they said it was a nice sunny day. 

SO...

Then there was a problem with the airplane flaps. 

I don't know much about how airplanes work but I'm pretty sure the flaps are important. 

Taliah pooped her pants a couple of hours ago. 

Jude just decided to follow suite. 

I'm pretty sure there is poop on my pants. Jude's. Not mine. 

The man next to me smells like fish and vinegar. 

There is a full grown dog 2 aisles ahead of me. 

A dog. Not a puppy or a chihuahua. A dog. 

At this point we have missed both our connecting flights. 

So when people say 'how do the kids do flying?' The answer is relative. 

The actual flying is not a big deal. The kids get snacks and movies. They are in heaven. 

It's the actual travel process that can be a nightmare. 

We've been stuck in countless European cities with delayed flights and

 missed connections.

Oh and we're sitting in the back of the plane. 

The toilet flushes every couple minutes and everyone seems to congregate back here. 

At this point we have been 'traveling' for 6 hours and are only an hours drive away from where we started from. 

A couple of years ago I would probably be in tears. Worried about my kids lack of sleep. Worried that the airline won't cover the cost. Worried that the flaps are broken and we're all going to die. 

I'm not kidding. 

But now I kind of expect problems.
. 

I know we will survive. 

I mean unless the flaps are broken and we crash. 

So now we're off the plane. 

I passed another dog on my way off. What in the world? 

Shiloh thinks that they didn't clean the airplane good enough so it's not a good plane. 

She did get to go in the popkit (cockpit) so that's good news. 

I'm now in a long line to rebook my flight. 

Oh and by the way, it's United. 

The couple behind me is M A D. 

The girl said 'I would rather have to be dragged off a plane than go through this stuff.' Except she used a different word that started with s. 

No shortage of United jokes. 

Another dog just walked by. 

Something weird is going on here. 

Meanwhile the sun is shining and it's a beautiful day in Florida. 

All my kids are troopers. The girls spent a long time crawling between all the chairs. 

Jude is sleeping. 

I'll keep you filled in. 

It's been an hour and I'm still in line.

The dog lady is worried because her dog has to go to the bathroom. 

Is that what you say for a dog? 

Shiloh just walked up and I asked her what she ate and she said 'a dog.' Right in front of the dog lady. 

She just left to take him potty. 

I stood in that line for an hour and half and then another line for an hour and a half. 

So now it's been 11 hours. We just got to a hotel. 

And we didn't fly anywhere. 

Yes we are still right where we started.

Just starting the whole process over tomorrow. 

We did get on and off the plane so the girls at least think we went somewhere. 

And we don't have our bags. I have poop and spit up on me....

To my pleasant surprise I was actually the calmest person in line all day. 

I'm usually not. I've had my fair share of airport screaming matches. I'm not necessarily proud of it. It's just the truth. 

So I guess I'm learning. Learning how to be better at 'our life.' 

This is the reality of living in two worlds and two countries. 

It's happened before and it will happen again. 

And I love this little family of mine. I love doing this with Cory. 

It's just a bad day in the midst of my beautiful, blessed life. 

So we'll reset and start over again tomorrow. A little dirtier. 

Oh and Jude just spit up in my mouth.

For the kingdom.

JET LAG

How was the flight? 

I got asked this question a lot. I have an almost 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. The total "flight time" from Albania to the west coast is about 15 hours not including layovers and driving to the airport. So it's a valid question. 

But I have a whole new outlook on traveling with kids. And I'm not including babies from the age of 5-16 months in this. They are wild cards and don't count because their sleeping schedules are important and forever changing during this time. Any other age. 

And here's what I've decided: An airplane is like a kids dream come true. I mean think about it. 

They get to watch movies for 11+ hours straight. 
They get to eat their favorite snacks. 
They get new and special toys that they don't normally play with. 
They don't have to nap. 
Mom and Dad play with and occupy they the entire time. 

I mean really. What do they have to complain about? 

The airport layovers where they make you run to your gate only for you to find out you missed the connection. Or the trek through the airport carrying 2 sleeping babies and all your stuff. Or the TSA who decides the pregnant mom with two kids is probably the one smuggling explosives. 

I'm not talking about THAT. I'm not talking about the airport. 

I'm talking about the flight itself. I mean honestly, I look forward to our next one. The girls had the time of their life and all I had to do was sit there, eat, and watch newly released movies. 

Now, the jet lag. That is what makes me want to never leave Albania for the rest of my life. 

Not just jet lag, but jet lag with babies, or toddlers, or children. 

And let me tell you I have NEVER experienced real jet lag in my entire life until this last trip. I could sleep on the plane, arrive at my destination, stay up for a few hours and then proceed to sleep the whole night. 

But let me tell you what the symptoms of jet lag are according to Mayo Clinic: 

• Disturbed sleep — such as insomnia, early waking or excessive sleepiness
• Daytime fatigue
• Difficulty concentrating or functioning at your usual level
• Stomach problems, constipation or diarrhea
• A general feeling of not being well
• Mood changes

That's where you really need to weigh your decision to fly across the world. 

They say it takes about a day for every hour of time change. So that's 9 DAYS. 

We woke up at 2 or 3 AM for about a week. Or rather, Shiloh did. If ever I thought "I love my kid, but I don't really like them," it was last week when we were experiencing jet lag. 

IT WAS HORRIBLE. 

And the biggest mistake I made was giving them a nap during the day. 

They're tired. They're not just tired, they're exhausted. They are barely functioning. 

They need a nap. I thought. 

But, unfortunately their time clock was so off that catching up a little bit during the day, gave them what they needed to pop out of bed at 2 AM every morning. 

Yes. 2 AM. And because my time clock was off, when I was woken up, I couldn't fall back asleep. That meant making breakfast at 3 AM because we were all starving. 

So while all of Albania was out cold, we were watching Cinderella, dressing up, eating bacon and calling family in America. 

Then, by the time it is actually day you are so exhausted that you are good for nothing. 

But you know that sleeping will just mess you up more. 

So you kind of stay up all day in this half awake zombie mode. 

Finally, I decided I had had enough. 

Shiloh woke up at 3 AM and didn't nap ALL day long until I put her to bed at 6:30. 

One of the longest days of my life. 

I did everything I could to occupy her and keep her happy. She probably watched 3 hours of Minnie Mouse. But at least she was awake? We went on a 2 hour walk. We dressed up. We painted about 15 paintings. We went to a play place. We ate as often as possible. 

She was constantly on the verge of an epic melt down. So was I. 

And that was the night we all slept. 9 glorious hours. 

They fell asleep at 6:30 and we fell asleep at 7. 

Like honestly, it was almost as bad, if not worse than having a newborn. And no one can stone me for saying that because I've had 2 newborns. It was THAT bad. I cried at one point and I'm pretty sure Cory almost did. Maybe. 

I've never been so thankful to sleep through the night. 

So now we finally feel like we have our life back. 

For about 6 weeks before we leave for America again. 

But now I know the trick. A no nap day. A longggggg no nap day. Totally pays off in the end. 

Home

We came home last Friday after spending two weeks in America. 

Yes home. And that's what it feels like here in Pogradec. Home.

I can honestly say now, I feel more comfortable here in some ways than I do in America. 

And it's really weird. 

I walked into the grocery store the first or second day we arrived in California and stood staring at the Barbecue sauce for way too long. I didn't even need barbecue sauce. But there were SO many all I could do was stare. 

I knew Cory would want cereal but when I went to get one I couldn't pick one out. There were too many choices and I got overwhelmed and walked away. 

If I heard someone say that I would probably think, "That's dumb you lived there your whole life." But alas, it happened to me. 

It was weird to hear English everywhere I went. I actually did a double take at two ladies in a store because I was surprised they were speaking English...

We went to a party and Cory told me he was going to walk in and greet everyone individually first before he started talking to anyone and I couldn't stop laughing. 

That is Albanian. You walk into a room, shake hands with every person and ask them how they are. That's all. 

It would be like him walking into a party and saying "Hi how are you?" to each person while shaking their hand and then moving on to the next one after they said "Good." 

I got really annoyed at stop signs and red lights and I had to remind myself that I couldn't pass people who were going to slow on a two way street. 

I didn't eat half as much food as I had planned on because my stomach couldn't handle it. 

I was mesmerized by commercials on TV. 

I had a hard time sleeping at night because there were no semi's rumbling past our house. It was too quiet.

And now we are home. 

But to everyone here, we just went home. We are foreigners. We are not Albanian. 

So, again we find ourselves suspended in the middle of two very different worlds. 

Two worlds that I love with my whole heart. 

Albanians always ask us, "Where is it better? Here or America?" 

I don't even know how to answer a question like that. They are really asking, "Why in the world are you here?" 

And there are so many different realms on which the answer to that question could be measured. 

Physical, spiritual, emotional. 

My family is in America. Shiloh and Taliah's aunties and uncles and cousins. And there is nothing that can replace that. And there is nothing like seeing the joy on your child's face as they laugh with their grandparents and play with their cousins. And it's in those moments that my heart is also filled with joy but broken in half at the same time. Because those moments are rare. But they are so precious. 

But our life is here. Our hopes and dreams and goals and plans are here. Our tears and sweat and trials and triumphs are here. And because of that we are filled with contentment and peace. 

And thankfulness. Thankful for the short, unplanned visits. Thankful for the love of family and friends. Thankful for the relationships we have here. Thankful for growth and understanding in this culture. Thankful for the culture we came from. 

And today I am thankful that I feel I don't belong in either of these worlds. 

I'm thankful that America doesn't feel like home because it makes this place the Lord has brought us feel more like it. 

And in the end I know we're not home here either and tomorrow I might feel just as lost and confused as the day I did when we arrived here almost 2 1/2 years ago. And I'm thankful for that too. 

Because it keeps me dependent, and humble and trusting in Jesus. 

And that's all I got. But soon I will write about our actual home that we are hopefully moving into by the end of the month!

Shiloh is excited too as she told me today that she "can't wait for our new house to be born." 

...

And this has got to be one of the best pics ever. 

Here We Go Again

Last week a lady stormed into church during worship and attempted to hurl a chair at the congregation. 

Yes. A. Chair. 

A month or two ago, Cory was pelted with watermelon from the balcony as he walked away from the church building. 

Nearly every week the neighbors come down (our church is on the first floor of an apartment building) and SCREAM about the music. 

Worship music. 

When we live next to a wedding venue that blares shrieking Albanian dance music until 4 AM. 

It definitely puts a damper on the atmosphere of Jr. High and High school group when you have to whisper instead of cheer during the games. 

We have completely outgrown the kids room and every week there are 15 boys in the back that are too old for the kids room but apparently too young to sit still in church. 

We have also outgrown storage space in the church. There are massive crates that store the summer camp tents, supplies for dramas, sound equipment. It's basically all on display. The church room is kind of like a maze that you have to weave through. 

We have been in search of a new building for months. We needed something in the center of the city, that was large enough and that was a reasonable price. 

Finally, a building that we have had our eyes on for a long time, opened up and we signed the lease almost immediately. 

We were trying to wait until we could raise money to buy something permanent, but since the watermelon catastrophe, it seemed quite clear that we needed to come up with a temporary solution.

2 weeks ago when we signed the lease, the building was wall to wall cement. No flooring, no ceiling, no electricity. 

Before

With Erion and Melodie gone on furlough, Cory has been heading up this entire process.

And I don't really know how to put into words all that this has meant. It's learning Albanian vocabulary you don't know, it's making permanent, detailed, decisions, it's determining the best way to spend money, it's communicating with the workers, understanding the lease, being present every day to make sure things are going smoothly, moving the furniture, building the stage, getting electricity instead of hijacking it from the store nearby...ect. 

It's difficult to explain how you have to relearn everything when you move to a new country. The ways you have always done things, no longer apply. The way you are used to contacting someone, or finding a phone number, or working out bills and money, is not the same. You have to relearn everything. And you can never learn enough. Because in every new context, you have to understand how this new situation is different. Beyond that, you have to adapt to how each different person sounds when they speak the language. 

And because of this, moving to a new church building is something we never could have done by ourselves. We couldn't be more thankful for the young men here who have taken this on. They have helped in irreplaceable ways and have made this completely possible.

Xhoni and Alvaro were a part of the first Bible study that took place here in Pogradec nearly 5 years ago. And today, we can't imagine what our church would be without them. 

So, this Sunday, whether we have electricity or not, we will have our first Sunday service in our new building. Almost exactly a year from the day of our very first Sunday service here in Pogradec. 

Almost after

And by God's grace, our congregation continues to grow. 

In July we had our first baptism service. We invited all the churches that have been planted by the church in Korca, as well as the Korca church, to come and be a part of the service. 

Nearly 500 people lined the shore of the lake to watch as these believers declared their faith in Christ. 

And maybe I have stopped writing this blog because I know longer know how to put into words everything that I am learning and experiencing here. Word's don't seem to express what I am watching the Lord do, what the Lord is doing in me, and what our life here has become. 

Raw. Broken. 

Those are weird words that I would normally roll my eyes at but they are the words that come to mind. 

Nothing is pretty or shiny or new. 

And maybe when we we first moved here, everything was. Even the things that were broken were new because they were new to me. Like a child given a hand me down toy. 

The hard things were exciting. The dirt was intriguing. The confusion an adventure. 

But now, almost 2 1/2 years later there is something different I experience every day that I can't put my finger on. 

And it's something better and more real. 

I am more devastated than I have ever been by sin, corruption and godlessness. 

But I am more amazed than every by the power of the Gospel and love of Christ. 

I see sanctification in a whole new way.

When we came here for that first summer camp over 4 years ago, we were impacted by the fun, the love and the chaos of the Albanian culture. 

Now we have seen the backside of it. The sin that has grown here unconstrained for centuries.

But, instead of that making me hate it here, it has made me love it all the more. 

It has made me more desperately want people to know Christ. It has made me more amazed by the congregation that gathers on Sunday. 

And so, when 4 girls from my Bible study got baptized that day, I worshiped God in a way I never have before. 

And the more we know people's stories and understand the Albanian culture, the more we are amazed by what God is doing here. 

And we still have so much more to learn. So I can imagine that 2 more years from now, I will be more devastated and more amazed all at the same time. 

So how long will we stay here? We still get asked this all the time by Americans and Albanians alike. 

As long as the Lord allows us. 

We have bought a house. We have struggled through language learning. We have given birth to a child. 

We no longer truly feel like we belong anywhere. 

But we sure do want to be here. Even when we don't. I wouldn't trade these last 2 1/2 years for anything. 

So bear with me as I attempt to write about our life here during this new season. Besides, it wouldn't be a proper blog if I hadn't taken an unexplained, extended amount of time off would it? 

Thank you for all of you who encourage me to keep at it. Here we go again.